This is not my usual writing, but I felt the need to share such a wonderful experience with God as my church prepared for our annual Christmas play.

It was my second year participating in the annual Christmas play. The first year was out of my comfort zone but God got me through it, and I was so blessed with every moment. I felt I had connected with my church family, felt the spirit move each night, witnessed God’s saving grace being poured out over so many people. Such a beautiful and heartwarming experience. So, I eagerly signed up for the second time, excited to help my church family and serve God.

                At first, I was asked to play the part I played the first year and I agreed without hesitation. But God…. had different plans. Later I was asked if my husband and I could play a different part. A part I was neither prepared for, nor comfortable with. Yet I agreed because God had already shown me that we serve where He calls us and not where we want or where we are comfortable. Growth does not happen in places of comfort.  What I did not know was the battle that was coming with that agreement, with that blind obedience. I didn’t ask the first question, just felt the Holy Spirit nudge me and said yes for my husband and I with full confidence and peace.

                It started with excitement to do something new. However, doubt and frustration quickly surrounded us. At first the part felt forced, and while I was eager to please and do as I was asked, I found myself struggling to embody the role. The words felt foreign, I was unsure of the tone, inflection, and just felt like I couldn’t quiet find my little spot in it. Later, two practices before we had to have our lines learned and deliver them without paper scripts we were handed a brand-new script. It felt perfect. How that flowed, I teared up reading it and knew this was it. We learned the lines easily. I felt good about it. Looking back, I can see it was the Holy Spirit.

                Just as we began to feel comfortable, an unexpected challenge emerged that mirrored my own recent loss. I was a woman with cancer, and I was going to die from it. Here we are in November, a short six months after my mother had passed from Cancer. The grief was still fresh, the wounds all but healed and everything tucked neatly beneath the surface waiting for its time to be dealt with and that time had come, ready or not. It slammed into me like a wave at the ocean. I found myself unable to breath, sobbing uncontrollably, and begging God for help. I was playing my mother…this was her story. My husband…the embodiment of my father, left behind to trust and rely on God till judgement day. I repeated the words over and over, “I can’t do it! I can’t do it!” I didn’t have the strength, I didn’t have the heart. It was too much, too soon. It’s not going to work. They are going to have to ask someone else.

                But God!!! He had different plans. I remember sitting in the pew watching the practice waring with myself, Satan, and God. I sat there with all the grief, hurt, and pain circling me, filling my mind. Lord, I just barely got through losing her, I can’t do this. Satan had his words to hurl at me. “People will think you are doing this to make your mother’s death all about you.” Had I made a mistake in agreeing? Was this not the place for me, did I not listen to the right voice when I said yes?  As I sat there in turmoil weighing my options and asking for guidance, God reminded me; HE is my strength and His strength shines when I am weak.

                Now I know this play is about bringing Jesus to those who need him, about showing the love, grace, mercy and sacrifice God made so those who are lost are brought to salvation and redemption. But let me tell you what it does to someone who is saved. As I had to pray every night for strength, for the ability to deliver our lines, for God’s love and mercy to shine through to whoever needed it, I realized this part was so much bigger than a woman with cancer dying and her husband being left behind.

                God showed me, this part was about hope. Hope in so many different situations. Hope for women who had lost husbands. Hope that one day, their prayers would be answered, their husbands hearts would be softened, the Holy Spirit would show them the truth and that their husbands would answer the call of the Lord. Hope for saved men, who may have already lost their wives, that they would one day see their wives again in heaven and they only needed to trust God and rely on Him just a little longer. Or maybe they were not saved and their wives were, yet the wife was already gone. This story could help them to find their way to Jesus, to the foot of the cross where they could give it all to God and be saved. God showed me, that no matter what, He will never fail you! He is your strength, He is your savior, He is your fortress, He is your hope! The craziest part….it was all right there in the very lines written, not just for me, but for anyone out there that needed them. We can never give up hope, not on our children, not on our spouses, our friends, family, co-workers…. we cannot give up Hope. To give up Hope would be to give up on our God, for HE IS OUR HOPE! It’s about keeping the faith even when our circumstances in life seem too difficult.

Psalm 71:5 For You are my hope, O Lord God; You are my trust from my youth.

                It’s so amazing to spend time with my church family and bond with them during this time of year. But the best part is watching God work, worshipping Him, and letting yourself be used by Him even when you don’t think you have the strength to even do what He asks of you. He’s a wonderful God and I am so thankful for every position He puts me in even when I don’t understand! Looking back, I realize that facing this role not only helped me deal with some of my grief but also strengthened my trust in God’s plan for my life.

Psalm 28:7 The Lord is my strength and my shield; My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart greatly rejoices, And with my song I will praise Him.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I pray each of you find the hope of God despite the circumstances! May His love, joy, peace and hope fill you this Christmas season and through the new year! And if you are interested in watching the play for yourself, you can find it on YouTube http://www.youtube.com/@clarkschapeltv5751. Hope you find blessings as you watch From the christ child to Judgement! Merry Christmas and God Bless!